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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

12/19/12 What not to buy....never....ever, ever!!!

What not to EVER, EVER buy children for Christmas
2012 edition
1.  Furby. Creepy before, even more creepy at $50.00 a pop.
2.  Squinkies. Please, it's a fancy pencil top eraser.
3. Bratz dolls: Little sluts. Never buy your child a doll that looks like a hooker and wears sexier underwear than you. It sends a bad message.
4.  Every classic board game in a princess, sponge bob, etc. addition. Buy the original, it will last longer.
5. Make up for know that crap is being snuck out from under the tree, hidden in their room, and then just when you are in a rush to leave the house, your daughter will appear looking like a street walker.
6. Ditto on the nail polish...the color doesn't look as nice on bedroom carpet.
7. Legos--listen, if I wanted to put together 2000 pieces I would have gotten an assembly job.  Then you know they are dismembering it as soon as it's built, only to have you step on pieces at 3am when you have to pee.
8. Monster High dolls...seriously, somewhere in my house is a burial of missing heads, hands, legs....creepy!
9. Any microphone kids are loud enough, they do not need amplified.
10. A Toys 'R Us gift know whatever amount that it is, you the parent, are adding to it to buy the toy they have to have.
11.  Any baby doll that pees, poops, needs to eat...or generally involves any type of behavior that I would be better off having a real baby.
12. A drum set...seriously, is an explanation even necessary?!
13.  A skate board or Ripstik caster child will break their leg and then I'm calling you to carry them up and down our stairs.
14.  Zhu-zhu pets. I don't need a toy that will require me to cut off half my kid's hair when she gets it stuck in it.
15.  A Fijit. Gross. The bottom is made of rubbery stuff which gets super dirty and every single dog hair will stick to it. Also the kid will scream demands at it and it will never comply.
16. Tranformer anything. Yeah, I am way too stupid to get that thing back to it's original set up.
17.  Nerf anything. Because nothing says "I love you Mom" like being pinged in the head with some Nerf bullet. Plus, the lawnmower just loves them. It makes the yard so colorful with little Styrofoam pieces everywhere.
18.  Movies...they never get watched and they take up too much room. Then the DVD never gets back into it's case and gets cracked and then Mommy gets cranky and needs to drink. Moral of story...movies lead to alcohol abuse.
19.  Music CD' one should have to listen to an entire musical collection of Taylor Swift. The radio repeats that crap enough.
20.  And the top gift never, never, never, ever to give.....a new pet. Nothing says love like cleaning up tinsel colored poop in the living room, then paying to take the thing to the vet when it eats said tinsel. Just don't do's not a gift that keeps on giving in a good way!
That's all for this year! Can you add anything?
.....With love and empty spots under the tree,
Carla @ Mommy in the 'Dale

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